Australians: Get these %$#@ snakes off this %$#@ plane!

Calling Samuel L. Jackson: You’re needed Down Under.

Four out of twelve baby pythons escaped from their cargo box during a recent flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne earlier this week, causing the airline to cancel two flights while searching for the slithering tykes. The tiny terrors, shipped with their less rebellious brethren in a foam box with holes, had apparently de-boarded, according to a snake expert who attempted to ferret out the non-poisonous wigglers. The plane was then fumigated, and put back in service. Reports of four slithery hitch hikers carrying tiny bags of peanuts near the airport couldn’t be confirmed.

In a related story, the latest trend of flying while tucking your feet under you and slapping at any magazine that moves seems to be all the rage.

Priest breaks habit on nun pageant

It could have been the next Ameri-nun Idol: an Italian priest called off his online contest for Sisters after receiving the Simon Cowell treatment from his superiors. The convent-dweller hyped his nunfest as an ‘inner beauty competition,’ but some members of the church were not amused, and worried that the contestants might break their habit with a not-so-pious strut down the catwalk. In a misunderstanding worthy of a Three’s Company episode, what started as a black-and-white blog post to highlight the nuns’ good deeds and worthy work turned into an uncomfortable gray area that focused on holy hotties.  So to all those Sisters secretly practicing their Madonna Vogue face, relax, and bide your time: the pageant may be kaput, but there’s surely a reality show just around the corner. Coming up next season on Fox: Get Thee to a Nunnery!

Which came first, the chicken or the underwear?

The typing monkeys here at WeirdIts love a good weird news story, and nearly dropped their Shakespearean manuscripts when one story came across the net with a headline too good to be true.

The headline? Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital. Immediately, all minds were spinning, thinking about the different ways a man could be injured by shoving a chicken in his underwear, or making a chicken wear tighty-whiteys. And what about feathered thongs?

Everyone howled as the text revealed an ordinary story about an Australian man who ran out into the road in his Underoos and got smacked by an 18-wheeler. Not good, but not that unusual, really.

The monkeys liked the imaginary version better, and take their tiny hats off to that Reuters reporter with a divine sense of the weird.

‘Sauced’ burglar drenched in BBQ camouflage

One Wisconsin burglar had more than sticky fingers when he broke into a family’s home recently–he was discovered in the basement, inexplicably drenched in BBQ sauce. The residents heard the cookout-ready crook whistling down below, which drew the attention–and the firepower–of the homeowner, who kept a shotgun trained on the painted perp until police arrived and questioned his edible attire. The suspect’s saucy response stated he was covered in ‘urban camouflage,’ since he was ‘on the run from the government.’ Perhaps he’s on to something: somewhere in a distant land, tucked away in a cave, Osama bin Laden may be covered in KC Masterpiece sauce. Paging Hannibal Lecter!

Actually, yes, Jesus IS my co-pilot

A pair of panicky New Zealand pilots landed on prayer power when the fuel in their ultralight plane ran out during a recent flight. The plane quickly became gravity’s plaything, and both Christian flyers started sending out SOS signals to the Big Air Traffic Controller Upstairs, praying for a landing spot that was past an upcoming and dangerous ridge, yet not in the sea. They received their answer when a small airfield suddenly came into view, and the duo landed their craft safely on a grassy strip of land. Lest they forget who supplied the soft landing, the small plane finally stopped next to a 20-foot reminder: a very large sign that stated ‘Jesus is Lord.’

Even the Big Guy knows it pays to advertise.