Which came first, the chicken or the underwear?

The typing monkeys here at WeirdIts love a good weird news story, and nearly dropped their Shakespearean manuscripts when one story came across the net with a headline too good to be true.

The headline? Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital. Immediately, all minds were spinning, thinking about the different ways a man could be injured by shoving a chicken in his underwear, or making a chicken wear tighty-whiteys. And what about feathered thongs?

Everyone howled as the text revealed an ordinary story about an Australian man who ran out into the road in his Underoos and got smacked by an 18-wheeler. Not good, but not that unusual, really.

The monkeys liked the imaginary version better, and take their tiny hats off to that Reuters reporter with a divine sense of the weird.

Florida to students: Suspension or suspenders

The teenage fashion statement of low-hanging pants may be an endangered trend in Florida, where Senate lawmakers recently passed a bill banning the wedgie-free practice in schools. Those who don’t hike it up could get booted out for a few days, until they learn what size they really wear.

The ‘droopy pants’ bill offers a leg up to parents who may not know what their kid is wearing to class, according to supporters, and school officials who don’t tighten the belt on dress code violations. The rump-revealing fad originally started when rap artists began imitating prisoners who used the booty-baring code to communicate need for man-on-man action, and supporters of the bill want the teen undie-flashers to understand that all trends don’t have squeaky clean origins.

Basically, it’s just a physical evolution of the commandment we were all given as children: Behave, and don’t show your butt.

Plus-size panties put out fire

Feeling a little bloated after the holidays? Take comfort that those granny panties could save a life, just like the extra-roomy bloomers of a London woman. The lady’s lingerie was the first thing her nephew grabbed out of the laundry when their breakfast went up in flames, according to officials. The nephew ran the underwear under the faucet, then flopped them over the flames, which put the fire out.

The grateful woman was glad no one was hurt, and also pleased that her ‘knickers saved the day,’ although the heroic hotpants were badly damaged in the line of duty. Bet someone’s getting new underwear for their birthday!

Memphis man has worst day ever, but remembers clean underwear rule

It’s like Mama said: always leave the house with clean underwear on, because you never know when you’ll be in a car accident, then shot, and end up arrested in a Mickey D’s in your tighty-whities. Halloween gave one man the wedgie of a lifetime with a self-inflicted really bad day, the kind that folk singers just love to write about. The man first crashed his auto into a Memphis street pole, then picked a residence near the scene and began banging and kicking on the door. At first, no one answered, then the man finally found someone at home when he kicked in a window, and was promptly shot by the homeowner. He made his escape, but the kicking car crash victim left behind more than just memories–he also left behind all his clothes, his Underoo-clad butt bouncing in the breeze. The homeowner stated that he didn’t see the man face to face, but apparently he saw the streaker’s best side as the man ran to a McDonald’s, threw a rock through the front window, and was finally apprehended by Memphis’ finest in his t-shirt and underpants, bleeding from a cut and a bullet wound.

In the understatement of the year, one witness noted that he must have been on ‘some high-powered something.’ Yes, and mind-altering substances may have been involved as well.