Florida to students: Suspension or suspenders

The teenage fashion statement of low-hanging pants may be an endangered trend in Florida, where Senate lawmakers recently passed a bill banning the wedgie-free practice in schools. Those who don’t hike it up could get booted out for a few days, until they learn what size they really wear.

The ‘droopy pants’ bill offers a leg up to parents who may not know what their kid is wearing to class, according to supporters, and school officials who don’t tighten the belt on dress code violations. The rump-revealing fad originally started when rap artists began imitating prisoners who used the booty-baring code to communicate need for man-on-man action, and supporters of the bill want the teen undie-flashers to understand that all trends don’t have squeaky clean origins.

Basically, it’s just a physical evolution of the commandment we were all given as children: Behave, and don’t show your butt.

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Jesus and the GPS, part II

This just in from Engadget: Florida’s GPS-enabled baby Jesus was reported missing from the nativity scene recently, giving authorities a chance to try out their eye in the sky. The stolen Savior was found at a home across the street from his pimped-out tech manger, and an 18-year-old female was arrested for Lord-lifting.

So, to recap:

Baby Jesus-$800

GPS tech: $400

Bail for Son-stealing: $3,500

A rescued Christmas and tech that works: priceless

Savior tagged with satellite tracking; Santa concerned

“Hello, this is OnStar, how may I save you, my child?”

Tired of annual Jesus-jacking, a Florida community has decided to fight back by installing GPS on the main players of the nativity scene. The extra security was the only step available, since bolting down the statues last year still allowed someone to whisk away the tiny Savior with amazing grace. Jesus won’t be the only one tracked wherever he goes; Mary and Joseph will also have those silent blinks in the night. The top holiday celebrity family also will have a plexiglas wall separating them from the riffraff, just in case. No word yet on whether Britney’s former bodyguard will be available to Mary, Little J and J-Pa, but Santa might want to take notice; he’s not the only one who can know if you’re bad or good, or if you’ve been spirited away for a holiday trip to the islands.