Man tries to shoot nuts off; nearly succeeds

There are many tools one should carry in their trunk for emergencies, but, unless you’re one of the Sopranos, a shotgun isn’t included in that list. There’s a good reason for not stocking a gun in your toolbox: you just might get frustrated enough to shoot at your nuts. Your lug nuts, anyway. In the middle of car repairs, a Washington man just couldn’t get that last lug nut off the wheel. In a fit of automotive anger, he whipped out a 12-gauge shotgun, held it at arm’s length, and blasted the uncooperative tire. While the wheel’s nut was unmoved, his own were definitely in danger as buckshot and bits of wheel bounced at back at him, causing wounds from his legs up to his chin; the apparently sober man was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries, and will never be asked to change a tire ever, ever again by anyone who knows him, although he will likely receive lug wrenches as holiday gifts for years to come.

For those keeping score, it’s cars and dogs with guns: 2, and guys with no common sense: 0.

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Memphis man has worst day ever, but remembers clean underwear rule

It’s like Mama said: always leave the house with clean underwear on, because you never know when you’ll be in a car accident, then shot, and end up arrested in a Mickey D’s in your tighty-whities. Halloween gave one man the wedgie of a lifetime with a self-inflicted really bad day, the kind that folk singers just love to write about. The man first crashed his auto into a Memphis street pole, then picked a residence near the scene and began banging and kicking on the door. At first, no one answered, then the man finally found someone at home when he kicked in a window, and was promptly shot by the homeowner. He made his escape, but the kicking car crash victim left behind more than just memories–he also left behind all his clothes, his Underoo-clad butt bouncing in the breeze. The homeowner stated that he didn’t see the man face to face, but apparently he saw the streaker’s best side as the man ran to a McDonald’s, threw a rock through the front window, and was finally apprehended by Memphis’ finest in his t-shirt and underpants, bleeding from a cut and a bullet wound.

In the understatement of the year, one witness noted that he must have been on ‘some high-powered something.’ Yes, and mind-altering substances may have been involved as well.