Australians: Get these %$#@ snakes off this %$#@ plane!

Calling Samuel L. Jackson: You’re needed Down Under.

Four out of twelve baby pythons escaped from their cargo box during a recent flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne earlier this week, causing the airline to cancel two flights while searching for the slithering tykes. The tiny terrors, shipped with their less rebellious brethren in a foam box with holes, had apparently de-boarded, according to a snake expert who attempted to ferret out the non-poisonous wigglers. The plane was then fumigated, and put back in service. Reports of four slithery hitch hikers carrying tiny bags of peanuts near the airport couldn’t be confirmed.

In a related story, the latest trend of flying while tucking your feet under you and slapping at any magazine that moves seems to be all the rage.

Which came first, the chicken or the underwear?

The typing monkeys here at WeirdIts love a good weird news story, and nearly dropped their Shakespearean manuscripts when one story came across the net with a headline too good to be true.

The headline? Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital. Immediately, all minds were spinning, thinking about the different ways a man could be injured by shoving a chicken in his underwear, or making a chicken wear tighty-whiteys. And what about feathered thongs?

Everyone howled as the text revealed an ordinary story about an Australian man who ran out into the road in his Underoos and got smacked by an 18-wheeler. Not good, but not that unusual, really.

The monkeys liked the imaginary version better, and take their tiny hats off to that Reuters reporter with a divine sense of the weird.

Aussie busted for beer buckling, boy bouncing

Americans are definitely trend-setters, even when it’s wrong: just a few short months ago, the Weird Its monkeys popped open the story of a Florida woman who strapped in her beer, but not her baby. Now, an Australian man has been fined for securely belting in a 30-can case of brew in the back seat between two adults, but leaving a five-year-old boy loose in the vehicle’s rear floor.

The man was fined $750 for driving an uninsured car and failing to make sure the child was wearing a seat belt.

In the AP story, the arresting officer claimed that this was the first time he had ever seen the safety of booze considered over the well-being of children. Hmm, must be new on the force.

Get a life….on eBay

Tired of your daily routine? Buy a whole new life from one man in Perth, Australia. Ian Usher is packaging up his life after a heartbreaking divorce and selling it all, from his ride to the knives and forks in his kitchen drawers, and even his job, on eBay. The jilted Aussie is offering up all his material possessions, and a few non-tangibles, such as his friends, who have promised to like the purchaser of Mr. Usher’s life just as much as they like Ian, which is either a stunning demonstration of loyalty, or a case of ‘meh, we were ready to replace you, anyway.’

The three things this man wants to walk away with at the end of the deal? His newly fattened wallet, his passport, and a story, which he would also be willing to sell to Hollywood.

Fanboys, start saving your pennies to get out of that basement, because Mr. Usher hopes to clear at least 500,000 in Australian dollars with the sale, which begins on June 22. He’s even offering a preview of the livelihood goods at www.alife4sale.com.

Croc caught, jailed, after low-speed chase

Police blotter, Aussie-style:

A man reported a cocky crocodile making threatening motions at him at a boat ramp on Thursday afternoon, November first, and immediately reported the reptile to the police. An APB was put out for the leathery felon, and people were warned to stay away from the boat ramp, in case the croc returned to the scene, although no word of any sketches being distributed of the alleged attacker. Witnesses reported that the scaly snapper had been lurking around the Gove Yacht Club boat ramp before, perhaps because the club itself has a strict policy against giant predators (which doesn’t make sense if they allow politicians). Two rangers pursued the suspect that night in a reportedly low-speed chase. Suspect was harpooned, then detained without hearing his rights, and it couldn’t talk to its lawyer because its’ jaws were taped shut.

One of the ‘arresting’ officers did say that the croc did its best to not be caught, but came along quietly in the end. No comment was made on whether the crotchety croc already had a record.

The crocodile did a night in the can, behind bars, and was also hosed down several times during the night, to keep him from drying up. The next day, the suspect was found guilty of loitering with intent and transported to the nearest crocodile farm. The rangers stated that he was a big male, so let’s just hope he didn’t end up in a pool with a bigger croc named Bubba.