Which came first, the chicken or the underwear?

The typing monkeys here at WeirdIts love a good weird news story, and nearly dropped their Shakespearean manuscripts when one story came across the net with a headline too good to be true.

The headline? Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital. Immediately, all minds were spinning, thinking about the different ways a man could be injured by shoving a chicken in his underwear, or making a chicken wear tighty-whiteys. And what about feathered thongs?

Everyone howled as the text revealed an ordinary story about an Australian man who ran out into the road in his Underoos and got smacked by an 18-wheeler. Not good, but not that unusual, really.

The monkeys liked the imaginary version better, and take their tiny hats off to that Reuters reporter with a divine sense of the weird.

Stewardess has Wonka-esque ticket to ride

What would be better than scoring the last Golden Ticket into Willy Wonka’s fictional candy factory? Try a real-life ticket to space, the final frontier, for one French ‘air hostess.’ (Sorry, but that brings Twinkies to mind; let’s stick with stewardess, just for retro fun.)

The hungry sky worker grabbed a Kit Kat bar at a local French supermarket and snarfed down the chocolate, not thinking about Nestle’s space race contest until the sugar high wore off. A couple of hours later, she returned to the scene of the snack, and found the winning wrapper in the refuse. The ticket wins her a seat on the Rocketplane XP, part of an developing project to bring economical space travel to the masses—because we as a species have apparently already achieved cheap, comfortable, punctual air travel here on earth.

The high-flying choco-fan also receives several days of training like an astronaut in Oklahoma City, which may be more of a culture shock for her than the actual trip into space. Let’s just hope when she gets to claim her final prize, she overcomes the urge to make sure everyone is strapped in securely with their cell phones turned off.

‘Sauced’ burglar drenched in BBQ camouflage

One Wisconsin burglar had more than sticky fingers when he broke into a family’s home recently–he was discovered in the basement, inexplicably drenched in BBQ sauce. The residents heard the cookout-ready crook whistling down below, which drew the attention–and the firepower–of the homeowner, who kept a shotgun trained on the painted perp until police arrived and questioned his edible attire. The suspect’s saucy response stated he was covered in ‘urban camouflage,’ since he was ‘on the run from the government.’ Perhaps he’s on to something: somewhere in a distant land, tucked away in a cave, Osama bin Laden may be covered in KC Masterpiece sauce. Paging Hannibal Lecter!