Fire sale means eBay garage sale for Bear Stearns employees

The fire sale of Bear Stearns last week meant a four-alarm wake-up call for company’s 14,000 staff members, many of whom will be spending some time in the unemployment line soon. But a few enterprising employees are creating their own Bear market on eBay, where items branded with the company name are stacking up. So far, more than 40 items have been listed, from t-shirts to teddy bears, cafeteria cards to stock certificates. On one cafeteria card auction, the description includes the forlorn phrase ‘no longer needed, unfortunately.’

Most of the items have bids, although whether it’s due to a collecting frenzy or just trying to help some folks in need, no one can say. Yeah, we’re pretty sure it’s a collecting frenzy, too. At least one seller came with a sense of humor, toting a toy bear with the description, “Do not delay, bail out a Bear today! Money upfront only-no ‘loansies’-we’ve already got into enough trouble with that.

Another auction featured a Bear Stearns hard hat, a lovely, poetic bit of irony, since it couldn’t protect its owner much from falling stock prices. Although you have to wonder, considering what bears do in the woods, did anyone issue hard hats before that hit the fan?

Get a life….on eBay

Tired of your daily routine? Buy a whole new life from one man in Perth, Australia. Ian Usher is packaging up his life after a heartbreaking divorce and selling it all, from his ride to the knives and forks in his kitchen drawers, and even his job, on eBay. The jilted Aussie is offering up all his material possessions, and a few non-tangibles, such as his friends, who have promised to like the purchaser of Mr. Usher’s life just as much as they like Ian, which is either a stunning demonstration of loyalty, or a case of ‘meh, we were ready to replace you, anyway.’

The three things this man wants to walk away with at the end of the deal? His newly fattened wallet, his passport, and a story, which he would also be willing to sell to Hollywood.

Fanboys, start saving your pennies to get out of that basement, because Mr. Usher hopes to clear at least 500,000 in Australian dollars with the sale, which begins on June 22. He’s even offering a preview of the livelihood goods at www.alife4sale.com.

Florida to students: Suspension or suspenders

The teenage fashion statement of low-hanging pants may be an endangered trend in Florida, where Senate lawmakers recently passed a bill banning the wedgie-free practice in schools. Those who don’t hike it up could get booted out for a few days, until they learn what size they really wear.

The ‘droopy pants’ bill offers a leg up to parents who may not know what their kid is wearing to class, according to supporters, and school officials who don’t tighten the belt on dress code violations. The rump-revealing fad originally started when rap artists began imitating prisoners who used the booty-baring code to communicate need for man-on-man action, and supporters of the bill want the teen undie-flashers to understand that all trends don’t have squeaky clean origins.

Basically, it’s just a physical evolution of the commandment we were all given as children: Behave, and don’t show your butt.