Savior tagged with satellite tracking; Santa concerned

“Hello, this is OnStar, how may I save you, my child?”

Tired of annual Jesus-jacking, a Florida community has decided to fight back by installing GPS on the main players of the nativity scene. The extra security was the only step available, since bolting down the statues last year still allowed someone to whisk away the tiny Savior with amazing grace. Jesus won’t be the only one tracked wherever he goes; Mary and Joseph will also have those silent blinks in the night. The top holiday celebrity family also will have a plexiglas wall separating them from the riffraff, just in case. No word yet on whether Britney’s former bodyguard will be available to Mary, Little J and J-Pa, but Santa might want to take notice; he’s not the only one who can know if you’re bad or good, or if you’ve been spirited away for a holiday trip to the islands.

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