Popcorn lovers have been falling down the slippery, buttered slope this year: first, it’s announced that making microwave popcorn can give factory workers lung disease, so now there’s guilt in every tender kernel. Now, microwave popcorn may be banned in every Seattle city building. Authorities claim that incidents of burning, over-nuked popcorn has caused smoke alarms to go off eight times in three years, and the insanity must stop. The possibility of prohibiting popcorn was made through memo; no public meetings were held, because they would have to wait four to six seconds after each person’s opinion popped up to see if the discussion was done.
The best quote of the news story is one question posed by a reporter: ‘Is it possible that if you outlaw popcorn, only outlaws will have popcorn?’ This was followed by speculation on renegade office workers hiding microwaves in their cubicle (here’s the Anderson file, Fred, blow on it a little, it’s hot). Of course, being a television station, the reporter also held a live demonstration on the correct way to pop your popcorn, including ‘following directions,’ a tricky task indeed.
One wonders if those deprived of their rapidly exploding treat will turn to other thrills, like Diet Coke and Mentos breaks, or the retro standby of Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew. Either way, if you’re looking to make a little cash around the holidays, gear up with an extension cord, a portable microwave, and a few little bags of crunchy heaven, then set up shop outside any city doorway. If you pop it, they will come.