No croutons or airplanes for one-shoed, dressing-drenched man

Helpful reality hint #57: Dressing for success doesn’t include Ranch. A man was prevented from boarding a plane at Dallas/Ft. Worth when he was discovered sitting on an American Eagle jet bridge, wearing one shoe, unable to stand up or speak clearly, and covered in salad dressing. Quick to catch on that something wasn’t right, authorities arrested the toasty tippler on suspicion of public intoxication after he admitted to tossing back some vodka with his greens at an airport restaurant; the dressing makeover was courtesy of a food box he held, most likely empty at the time of arrest since he and the jet bridge were both decorated with its contents. Although the sticky salad impersonator obviously didn’t think his travel plans through, he still gets security points for having at least one shoe off, and his carry-on gels clearly visible…all over his clothes.

Bid on one town, slightly used, in good shape, no shipping

Tired of virtual social networking? Want to create your own real-life community? Then head on over to eBay and bid on the tiny town of Albert, Texas. The miniscule metro has a healthy price tag of $2.5 million, but the seller is including his plan for turning the town into a tourist attraction. The historic little burg comes complete with a dance hall, community center, tavern, and a house for the ‘mayor’ (or dictator, Queen, Big Cheese– rich eccentrics fill in your own title here). So far, Albert has 55 bids, up to $351,000; still far short of the reserve price. Even if you can’t afford to buy, stop by, browse, and take a moment to imagine what you’d do with your very own town. One thing’s for sure, city council meetings would be a breeze.